Where are you?

I told myself to stop blogging, told myself to stop embarrassing myself in cyberspace, told myself to stop allowing myself to be broken again, but it's so hard, why can't I be allowed to miss you, why can't i cry out loud that I want you more than anything else in the world, why can't I even tell the world that I am bleeding inside everyday, and why did you not even give me a chance?????

I asked you to think in my shoes that day. obviously you can't and won't and don't give a damn! "Why should you?" was the kind of look you gave me, for the last two months you have been concerned with finding enough reasons to leave me and finding enough reasons to justify yourself...

I couldn't find the person who cared for me and loved me the last 8 years, you have been consumed by something, something so scary.... this is not the BAOBEI I know, and the silliest thing is, I don't even blame you,

You have cut me deep and hard, rip me apart, and all you can say is Sorry, and I even had to push that out of you, Am i so undeserving of LOVE, Have I been unfaithful? Have I not given my best to love you, YOU KNOW YOU MEAN THE WORLD TO ME , YOU KNOW YOU ARE MY NO ONE AND YOU WANT THE CAKE AND EAT IT, YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU AND YOU JOLLY WELL KNOW THE PAIN I FEEL NOW, AND YOU KNOW I WILL NOT MAKE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT IT, do you know of anyone who treats love as serious as me? do you!

WHY AM I DOING ALL THIS? Eating Vege, Gymming. Exercising...
THE OLD SIM ENG CHEE HAS DIED, DIED ON 28TH MAY, I DON'T WANT TO EVER SEE HIM AGAIN, HE HAS DIED THE NIGHT YOU LEFT,
YOU WILL HAVE THE PLEASURE OF KNOWING YOU RECREATED A MAN, A MAN OF FLESH AND BLOOD WITHOUT LIFTING A FINGER, YOU HAVE WON IN THE ULTIMATE EGO RACE, I HAVE LOST TOTALLY AND YET ALL I CAN SAY IS

I STILL LOVE YOU! keep smiling for you know that's what i want for you... stay happy and I hope there's no more tears for you...