没有常在心的日子第96天

Suppose to set off for Batam but got such a bad headache that i couldn't, must make up to Keith for not being on the trip..sighz.. but it was a good day spending time at home, not going out, not partying, just being with daddy and mummy and having homecooked lunch and dinner.

I don't think I miss you desperately now anymore and i guess I have gotten used to days without you.. It's just that you will always have my 心的位子, forever and I really don't need anyone else now... or ever

Teachers' Day Dinner and Celebration

Staff dinner was much better this year, with Saw Lynn and Ganga MCing. It was a time of great fellowship and we all had a great evening. For the first time, i survived up to the third and final round of the blessed draw and got a KENNETH COLE BLACK perfume set... you should know I already have this but yet it was a nice thing to get.. my luck has really changed in that sense since our breakup.. HAHA.. what a way to comfort oneself!

Celebration was sweet and heartwarming. We said bye bye to Ming Yaw and I cried.. will miss him ard... Pat and Mark sang this song which I felt describe us too:

We had the right love
At the wrong time
Guess I always knew inside
I wouldn't have you for a long time

Those dreams of yours
Are shining on distant shores
And if they're calling you away
I have no right to make you stay
But

Somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
will come to see
That you belong with me

Sometimes goodbyes are not forever
It doesn't matter if you're gone
I still believe in us together
I understand more than you think I can
You have to go out on your own
So you can find your way back home
And

Somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
will come to see
That you belong with me
Letting go is just another way to say
I'll always love you so

We had the right love
At the wrong time
Maybe we've only just begun
Maybe the best is yet to come
'Cause

Somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn't really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
will come to see
That you belong
With me

Was also pleasantly surprised by my dept... they got me this hamper of bird's nest and chicken essence.. and a card , I was really touched and made me realise that God has blesses me and used me to bless others...

End of Term 3 - My first Term without YOU

I survived... my first ever teaching term without you by my side. It was not as bad as I had thought. I have learnt to be OK without you, not that I am happy that you're gone, but just accepting the fact that you're not around.

It was a great 10 weeks and I would like to give myself a pat on my back, for coping well and coming out stronger. Many many exciting things are happening and I guess my only little disappointment is not being able to share my happiness with someone.. someone like you...

I am not what you used to know anymore and the same goes for you, I do hope we still feel some sense of familarity when we next meet.. : ), but like I've always told you, It shdould never come to a point that we can't live without someone.. SO...

How You?

Simple two words, but it brought much comfort, first time u asked, or showed any remote form of concern.

Thank you.

没有常在心的日子第91天

I'm sitting down here,
But hey you can't see me
Kinda invisible
You don't sense my stay
Not truly hiding, not like a shadow
Just thought I would join you for one day
I'm sitting down here,
But hey you can't see me

The M Word

Am glad that it went well for you and you're alive and kicking, Just wanted to know you're well...

The M word.... I was just thinking if for each time I miss you, I'll send you an sms, you would think I'm crazy by now.....

I am not crazy.. and I do really miss you... Muakz Muakz and Baoz Baoz!!!

101th Post...

The MSSGT was successful held in school. Then went our drinking after that, felt the need to chill....

Conducted the Leadership workshop for the council on Sat morning.I do miss doing stuff like that hahah...

Then Eka "gave" u our tokens of appreciation by bring us to Pinchos.. which was a very nice place... I had SNAILS, and the mushrooms were deliciouuuusssss!!!, also had this spicy prawn, all these things that I would never have touched.. sometimes wonder whether I am doing all this to taunt you.. hahah guess not since you won't know...

Then went to SUN at Chijmes! well, it was good... I had

MATSUTAKE AND SHIMEIJI MUSHROOM TEMPURA
WAGYU SAIKYO MISOZUKEYA
AND MY USUAL KATSU DON SET....
OIISHIII!!!!!!!

Sometimes I feel bad, not doing all this with you.. but I guess he's taking care of you fine.. You take care.. TATA

Day 88

88th day, nothing auspicious though. 88 times the pain, 88 gallons of sorrow, 88 nights without you, 88 days of painful memories.. 我到不了。。。我想看到。。。我在寻找。。。那所谓爱情的美好。。。

I have eliminated all my shortcomings for you.. but you will never know.. and It doesn't matter no more.. no more

没有常在心的日子第87天

It's been almost 9 weeks into term without you, my first school term without you by my side, the same for you too... and I guess it's not as dreadful as I thought it to be..

I guess we are both adjusting to new routines, nw people in our lives, or old people who used to be in our lives.. and i have come to realise it's really not bad.. not too bad at all...

You have gotten what you claimed you wanted and I am at peace with that.. Got shot an arrow for another project in Oct, which is good, keeps me occupied, workwise this year has been great.. I hope it's the same for you too..

take care dear and remember ABHDFF

没有常在心的日子第86天

It was announced today at staff meeting officially about Ming Yaw's Post-Grad Scholarship. I didn't really expect to see him so emotional, it was definitely one side that we haven't seen before.. As I watch him, I can't help but be quite overwhelmed by emotions as well.

He has been so much a part of the school as a student, teacher, subject head, HOD and VP and I have had the opportunity to work with him at different levels. He has done really good work and for the next person who comes along, these are definitely big shoes to fill.

It also set me thinking about my last 7-8 years in ACJC. ACJC has become like home and I enjoy the work that I do here. I believe in the VMV and have seen the school transform. We have definitely come a long way and there is still a long way to go, but it really is an exciting thought and fulfilling one to see people working together towards a common vision and bringing the organisation to somewhere.

Work is now occupying most if not all of my time, but then again the satisfaction is great... You work hard too.. I will be here for you.. whenever!

没有常在心的日子第85天

日子一天一天过，距离一天一天远，你心里是不是已经没有我？

没有常在心的日子第84天

I can't be there for you when you're unwell, can't buy fishball noodle or porridge or wipe your sweat off.

I can't be there for any festive celebration or special occasion.. can't be there for anything..

I can't plan surprises for you no more... I can't even execute your 30th birthday at the Chalet which I was planning.. I can't be next to you on your birthday..

I can't buy the stuff you like to eat for you anymore... No tutu kueh, no cakes, no thing ever...

I can't baobao you to sleep no more and can't irritate you...

I can't make you wait for me for dinner and i can't wait for you for dinner or anything too..

I can't be near you cause you'll always be near him

I can't kiss you goodnight or wake you up with my irriating gestures

I can't even have one minute of your attention now..

I can't I can't I can't

I can't forget you and I for God's sake can't stop loving YOU!

I can't... really can't

but I can get out of your way and have done so.. so well... ABHDFF for you...

没有常在心的日子第83天

尽量调适自己的心情，前一晚出去玩了，我突然觉得自己年轻了好多好多，精力恢复了，觉得又可以继续美丽了。

没有常在心的日子第82天

这几天有时间约了一些老朋友吃饭，感觉不错。好几个学生也约了我，有时间做这些事挺享受的，

伤口愈合的不错，我想我会没事的。。。

没有常在心的日子第81天

你不需知道、明了、更不需在意。

没有常在心的日子第80天

80天，应该够时间环游世界了吧。

渐渐有了厌世的感觉，一直在调整自己，寻找理由。

我想离开，到远远的地方去。。。　远远、远远的

你不会知道、不会明了、更不会在意。。。

没有常在心的日子第79天

给你一碗桂花酿
碗底全是碎花瓣
转甜的那么淡 心是多么伤
满脸是泪的我 你看也不看
为了和你好聚好散 不敢说出多悲伤
你的心已淡 我的情未断
怎能相信我们 还来日方长

请你喝完桂花酿 从此不再为你想
怕你又是我的方向 永远都为你心乱
请你喝完桂花酿 如果你真的可以忘
不再说该谁欠谁还 相不相爱都无关

I so want to be sedated from pain..

Bangkok Day Four

Did my usual last minute dash.. like you did...

Bought tennis balls and two adidas caps for tennis.. Tennis lesson is on tom evening.. Looking forward to that too..

你眼睛会笑弯成一条桥
终点却是我永远到不了
感觉你来到是风的呼啸
思念像苦药竟如此难熬
每分每秒
我找不到我到不了
你所谓的将来的美好
我什麽都不要知不知道
若你懂我这一秒
我想看到我在寻找
那所谓的爱情的美好
我紧紧的依靠紧谨守牢
不敢漏掉一丝一毫
愿你看到

Bangkok Day Three

Woke up early again, I think I am really old, can't sleep when sun is up..

Went to the gym at the apt.. then had leisurely breakfast at restaurant.. Think the spread at Met was definitely better...

Pop by Chatuchuk, bought 6 pairs of slippers hahah and two berms..

Had lunch at the Orangery at Siam Paragon, and I applied for membership card since it was cheaper to do so.. so...

Lunch was nice and not lavish, then we went around shopping.. Had some really good buys... I bought this Y3 jacket which I am sure you would have liked as well.. IT WAS RED!!!

Dinner was at Seafood market and Restaurant , Lobster was GREAT>>> one grilled and the other Ginger Parsley and Onion..

Went out with Saz to club as Eka was tired.. PARTY PARTY again and it was fun..

Bangkok Day Two

Had lots to drink the night before and therefore slept on the couch in the apt with the high ceiling above.. I miss you again..

Lunch was at Chinatown...Shark's fin... We ordered quite a few dishes, but nothing too spectacular... I foucused on my shark's fin...

Then walked around and did some shopping in the usual places we went to... Nostalgia Nostalgia..

I tell myself again the hardest thing sometimes is to be happy for somebody else.. but for you.. anything I'll do.. everything I'll do....

Dinner was suoppse to be a surprise and boy were we surprised.. SIAM BED SUPPER CLUB... We had dinner in bed.. literally.. I swear I will bring you here if given the chance, very classy place.. Only one serving of dinner per night at nine.. fixed menu.. surprsied menu and it was full :

TOMATO HOPS BROTH WITH PURE BASIL NOODLES NAD SOUR CREAM BUBBLE
CRISPY SOFT SHELL CRAB WITH RICE NOODLE IN EXOTIC HERB AND AVOCADO SALAD IN HONEY LIME DRESSING
AUSTRALIAN BEEF SIRLOIN WITH PUMPKIN PUREE AND FIG GLAZED FOIE GRAS
AND MANGO AND COCONUT
AND CHOCOLATE MELT AND CARAMEL ICE CREAM

HEAVENLY....

COOL AMBIENCE AND RELAXED ENVIRONMENT.. IN BED

Club section was happening, really the place to be..

Bangkok Day One

It feels weird watching from afar, not that far maybe, yet distant, you with him... My heart gets ripped apart, but I guess I have gotten used to the pain...

I had good company.. so that was a form of relief and distraction...

Had something to eat before boarding, Crystal Jade Shanghai.. not bad.. Aboard the plane, it was a funny feeling, first trip in years without you... yet seeing that you're OK

Reached airport and I was forced to relive our last trip... It was cruel..very cruel and the pain was flowing..flowing..

Settled in the Frasers Penthouse duplex apartment.. it was amazing.. I swore to myself I will bring you here if ever we get to travel again.. ever..

The ceiling was so tall and I could just sit at the sofa looking at the Bkk traffic.. listening to music, and I couldn't wish for more but have you in my arm for a second.. not even a minute.. just a second..

Room was great.. view was great, I hope to post pictures soon, if you ever get to see it..

Dinner at the Blue Elephant restaurant which served Thai cuisine was classy.. Had complimentary starters, some wanton like thing and starch ball

Then the actual Royal Banquet Menu set we ordered was served.. had some coconut chicken and buffalo satay thing.. thai fish cake which was great.. prawn salad, popiah (ate the first fried popiah in my whole bloody life)

The main course was interesting too.. Cashew nut chicken which I was obviously comfortable with.. Roast Duck Coconut soup..the fried kuey teow thing, tamarind duck, lamb green curry, prawn green curry..

Dessert was fruits with tamarind ice cream..

All in all it was a good meal, reminds me of our meal at Suan Thai, I was already starting to change for you then.. if you remember but I know your obvious response would be it's too late.. it's too late

080808-888

8th August 2008, 8pm, The day 1.3billion Chinese has been waiting for... Itz finally here... The BEIJING OLYMPICS... Even I have waited in anticipation to see a great city put up an even greater show!!! The Chinese will make this event unforgettable and memorable I am sure.. and I am already so looking forward to Beijing again this year.. 中国加油！北京加油！

8th August is also the day I thought I will have my first trip after our breakup, but you just have been trampling all over me... slashing and stabbing as you please... But I do think I have enough resolve to wanna enjoy this trip withot your interference... I don't derserve any of your abuse.

Much as I have been trying to make you feel as good about our breakup as possible, you should really have some decency to consider how I feel, I think I have done quite enough for you over the last 8 years for you not to ignore how I feel, if you're really like that heartless, then I think you really would have failed as a person, Look at yourself in the mirror, let the good in you come out, you're not defined by that one current person in your life only... There's nothing emotional about what I just say and It purely came out of concern for someone who meant something to me..

做只猫做只狗

别再做情人 做只猫做只狗 不做情人
做只宠物至少可爱迷人
和你不瞅不睬 最终只会成为敌人
沦为旧朋友 是否又称心

没有常在心的日子第73天

Quoting Lifeng:
"I guess these cases really hit home this week how medicine is about people and real life and death issues. So often we/I just think it's just another day of school and learning and honing one's clinical skills. But it's about people. The fragility of life is so stark. It makes you feel so human - so weak, so vulnerable, so transient. And it brings you back to what is truly important in life again, how so many things don't matter and how only when we accept death that we can truly live."

Treasure what you have and live life to the fullest and bring Glory to GOD.

Students

Students can be a real inspiration sometimes.. I have been inspired by many of my students, sometimes I just look at them and think, "I wish I could be like that" or "You're really such a great person".. Would say that in that sense I have been blessed because I had a part to play in their lives.. I have also been blessed because I have met quite a few students like this..

Sometimes I ask myself, is it because they are younger... maybe not.. but most of them that I LOOK UP TO are very grounded in their faith and maybe that's what made the difference.. They anchor their life to Jesus! They based their decisions and actions on the right things, not like how the rest of the world does it, by gut feel or individual whims and fancies.. That's why..

So for all those that have touched my life in one way or another, THANK YOU and YOU HAVE BEEN A GREAT INSPIRATION!!!

Release...

Feels much better like that, I will do what I deem fit and that's about it.. Finally I am not bounded anymore... anymore...

And i really like the way I am and the way I look now... I AM BACK... BETTER not because of you.. so stop telling yourself the lousy excuse you did me some good... It was your selfish and ego-centric nature and trust you to push all blame to me.. Pls reflect. I am your conscience and now it's gone.. Funny.

没有常在心的日子第71天

You are a real disappointment at times, all you can say when I try to be helpful is YES SIR, well, I will not react to that if you want to be immature and selfish about things, just don't regret your actions or insensitivity, not to me but your own family!

I am glad that I have found myself.. that I am freed and not responsible for you anymore. You have become another person's worry and I will leave it as that and stop paying the price for your wilfulness. Period!

没有常在心的日子第70天

跟ANNIE谈了，又觉得我不该多说什么。我已经放开，就不要想太多，只希望你能从我的FACEBOOK,MSN得到一点暗示吧！

刚收到教练的简讯，今天不能上网球课，有点失望，只好多等一天吧。今天要腾出一点时间去跑和健身，然后要上课，再补习，不知为什么，今天不想多说。。。

Trying Hard

I am trying hard not to call you to speak to you about something... Your mum doesn't look good and I feel she really needs more attention from you.. to paraphrase her, you are in your honeymoon period and enjoy your time with him.. but don't you think she deserves some of your attention as well.. she looks so down and tired and it pains my heart.. same with your dad ..he is ok healthwise at least.. but I can't help but sense the helplessness in his eyes when he spoke about you...

Please, you can be as selfish you want with me.. do whatever your heart desires.. but don't do it to them.. they need your time and attention.. I am not around to nag you anymore and both of you are too distracted... I hope you're not too LOHEI when you speak to them...

You get my point.. Please do not do anything you might regret.. Care for those around you... You really need to grow up and if as you claim, you have learnt to be more sensitive.. you should know how your mum is feeling now... talk to them more..

PARENTS - AND WHAT THEY DO

Had Parent-Teachers Dialgue in school today, and once again I am reminded of how far parents can go and how much they care for their kids...

Reminds me of my parents and your parents.. what they have done for us and how we are treating them..

Am glad that we're both back by their side now.. and hopefully we both have the time and space to show our love to them... I have been going out a fair bit, so I do have days where I tell myself just to spend time with them..

Nadal is going to be NUMBER ONE

Finally...

I wonder if

you are breathing, does it mean that you are ALIVE???

没有常在心的日子第67天

Did a shuffle on my IPOD this morning and this song pop up first, one of my all time favourites and haven't heard it for a long time and I guess it's the song that most aptly describes how I feel now...

你是我的唯一

很想给你写封信
告诉你这里的天气
昨夜的那一场电影
还有我的心情
很想给你写封信
却只是想想而已
我已经不能肯定
你是不是还会关心
爱与不爱都需要勇气
於是我们都选择了逃避
爱与不爱都需要勇气
於是我们都选择了逃避
或许你不相信我很满意
这样的结局
或许你不相信
我没有一丝的埋怨和悔意
虽然你是我的最初
虽然你是我的最终
虽然你是我的唯一

I have no ill-feelings and bitterness, and it might just be better for us to be not with each other now, I am reacting better than I thought I could and the days have gone by easier than I thought. Had a great dinner at Graze at Rochester Park, you would have liked the place I think.. It was Kat's treat for getting us to queue for the STAR WARS stuff..hahah, not bad..The dessert platter costing about 35 had 9 items and I thought it was quite a huge platter compared to the others I have seen..
After dinner, headed straight home after the lack of sleep the night before.. headed for a short run in the park, wore my army tees and shorts and I felt like i'm 18 again..hahah ego ego, Love the condition I am in now..*wink*